Adventures in Grocery Shopping
Grocery shopping, not my favorite thing. Even as a kid by about age 8, when my mom would want to go grocery shopping, I would beg her to leave me home with promises that I wouldn't answer the door or phone or whatever it took to not go... Fast forward 20 years and I still do whatever I can to avoid the dreaded chore. I have it down to a science. I plan my menus a month in advance so that I can make ONE and only ONE shopping trip (except the quick runs for bread and milk of course)... then I have a map of the grocery store and break down my grocery list by aisle, so that I can be in and out in as little time as possible. Which used to work great, until I had kids...
First, I would make Zac come with me to be kid control while I did the shopping. Bad idea. Zac is as bad or worse than the kids for throwing things in the cart and begging for cookies and snacks. On average when Zac comes with me, my grocery bill goes up $50.
Needless to say, I have made many grocery trips late at night when Zac can be home with the kids. My problem now is somehow the grocery shopping keeps getting left to the last minute when for unseen circumstances Zac can't take the kids and then it is me on my own trying to herd kittens down the grocery aisles.
After my trip a couple of days ago I swear never again will I go alone with my kids. Here is what it was like:
First, Ian runs as fast as he can into the parking lot because he is a "big boy" and does not need to hold Mom's hand. So I have to chase after him with Tanner and Ashlyn at my heels praying that we don't get hit by a car. Then when we get in the store, we have to fight over which cart to get. Ian picks the biggest cart they have that can seat 2 kids... not 3, but 2. Therefore, there is a big fight over who will get to ride in the cart first. I end up squishing two kids into one seat, and within five mintues hear... Tanner is touching me, Ashlyn kicked me, and Ian is doing flips on the cart bar.
Now we are in the produce aisle. All three kids jump out of their seats and scatter. Each one wants to touch and squish every fruit and vegetable to see how they feel. Barely making it through the fruit aisle, we move on to the cookies and snacks section... Ian has ran ahead and is filling the cart with whatever strikes his fancy. I don't even notice because somehow Tanner has tied himself to the cart with the supposed "seat belts" it is around his neck and choking him and it takes me a good 5 minutes to get off. When I am finally getting the dang belt off, Ian tips all of the cereal off of a shelf, as I am picking the boxes back up, Ian runs ahead of us and climbs onto a stack of paper towels and is so excited to show mom how he can jump off. I am now to the point of giving unrealistic threats and plop all three back into their squished seats. Ashlyn starts crying because she isn't doing anything and she is getting in trouble.
We are now halfway done and Tanner has to go to the bathroom... which of course reminds Ashlyn that she has to go to the bathroom. The bathroom is clear across the store on the other side and I am not about to take my full cart clear over there... so I tell them to hold it... at this point I will take wet pants over lost time.
Now we are 3/4 of the way done and Ian yells, "I NEED TO POOP". He does not want me to move. He needs to hold onto the cart for leverage. Only today, he is having a backup problem and we end up waiting for 10 minutes, during which time Tanner finds a box of paper clips and dumps all 200 of them on the floor. Ashlyn and Tanner clean them up... but Ian is still not done! I swear it takes probably 20 more minutes for the poor kid to finish the job and he yells and cries every time I move the cart.
It is now time to check out. I have a lot of groceries. I shop once a month. I swear if that clerk makes one comment about how much I am buying or tells me I should just get a cow rather than buy 9 gallons of milk (the amount we go through in one week) I am going to start throwing toilet paper rolls at his head. As Ashlyn and I unload the groceries onto the conveyor belt, Ian (stinking to high Heaven) is taking down all of the gift certificate cards and playing some sort of game with them. And Tanner is scoping out the candybars wondering if he dares ask. And even though I originally fit all of the groceries into one cart to begin with, the clerk needs two carts to put them back all in bags. Which means Tanner and Ashlyn are going to have to push a cart... which ends up being a power struggle and sore ankles for mom as they constantly ram me from behind. My cart is still pretty full and I have random people following me handing me the toilet paper that I have dropped.
Finally, we make it to the van. I buckle all of the kids in... swear a couple of times, put the groceries in the van and swear NEVER AGAIN (that is until next month when I put off grocery shopping until Zac is out of town and we have absolutely nothing to eat!)
First, I would make Zac come with me to be kid control while I did the shopping. Bad idea. Zac is as bad or worse than the kids for throwing things in the cart and begging for cookies and snacks. On average when Zac comes with me, my grocery bill goes up $50.
Needless to say, I have made many grocery trips late at night when Zac can be home with the kids. My problem now is somehow the grocery shopping keeps getting left to the last minute when for unseen circumstances Zac can't take the kids and then it is me on my own trying to herd kittens down the grocery aisles.
After my trip a couple of days ago I swear never again will I go alone with my kids. Here is what it was like:
First, Ian runs as fast as he can into the parking lot because he is a "big boy" and does not need to hold Mom's hand. So I have to chase after him with Tanner and Ashlyn at my heels praying that we don't get hit by a car. Then when we get in the store, we have to fight over which cart to get. Ian picks the biggest cart they have that can seat 2 kids... not 3, but 2. Therefore, there is a big fight over who will get to ride in the cart first. I end up squishing two kids into one seat, and within five mintues hear... Tanner is touching me, Ashlyn kicked me, and Ian is doing flips on the cart bar.
Now we are in the produce aisle. All three kids jump out of their seats and scatter. Each one wants to touch and squish every fruit and vegetable to see how they feel. Barely making it through the fruit aisle, we move on to the cookies and snacks section... Ian has ran ahead and is filling the cart with whatever strikes his fancy. I don't even notice because somehow Tanner has tied himself to the cart with the supposed "seat belts" it is around his neck and choking him and it takes me a good 5 minutes to get off. When I am finally getting the dang belt off, Ian tips all of the cereal off of a shelf, as I am picking the boxes back up, Ian runs ahead of us and climbs onto a stack of paper towels and is so excited to show mom how he can jump off. I am now to the point of giving unrealistic threats and plop all three back into their squished seats. Ashlyn starts crying because she isn't doing anything and she is getting in trouble.
We are now halfway done and Tanner has to go to the bathroom... which of course reminds Ashlyn that she has to go to the bathroom. The bathroom is clear across the store on the other side and I am not about to take my full cart clear over there... so I tell them to hold it... at this point I will take wet pants over lost time.
Now we are 3/4 of the way done and Ian yells, "I NEED TO POOP". He does not want me to move. He needs to hold onto the cart for leverage. Only today, he is having a backup problem and we end up waiting for 10 minutes, during which time Tanner finds a box of paper clips and dumps all 200 of them on the floor. Ashlyn and Tanner clean them up... but Ian is still not done! I swear it takes probably 20 more minutes for the poor kid to finish the job and he yells and cries every time I move the cart.
It is now time to check out. I have a lot of groceries. I shop once a month. I swear if that clerk makes one comment about how much I am buying or tells me I should just get a cow rather than buy 9 gallons of milk (the amount we go through in one week) I am going to start throwing toilet paper rolls at his head. As Ashlyn and I unload the groceries onto the conveyor belt, Ian (stinking to high Heaven) is taking down all of the gift certificate cards and playing some sort of game with them. And Tanner is scoping out the candybars wondering if he dares ask. And even though I originally fit all of the groceries into one cart to begin with, the clerk needs two carts to put them back all in bags. Which means Tanner and Ashlyn are going to have to push a cart... which ends up being a power struggle and sore ankles for mom as they constantly ram me from behind. My cart is still pretty full and I have random people following me handing me the toilet paper that I have dropped.
Finally, we make it to the van. I buckle all of the kids in... swear a couple of times, put the groceries in the van and swear NEVER AGAIN (that is until next month when I put off grocery shopping until Zac is out of town and we have absolutely nothing to eat!)
Comments
Ya ya, shut up. I love it - can't you tell? Ha ha - thanks for this post!